


Middle Finger

by SmileySunflower



Series: Sunflower's Stony Stories [8]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Baby Peter Parker, Babysitting, M/M, Uncle Bucky Barnes, Uncle Clint Barton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-18 21:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20645738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileySunflower/pseuds/SmileySunflower
Summary: "Clint," Tony said blandly while staring at Peter, "why is my two-year old giving me the finger?"Clint froze and stared at Bucky in horror."Sh*t.""Sh*t!" Peter yelled happily.





	Middle Finger

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel or anything associated with it, I am writing purely for enjoyment.

Tony stared at the toaster in hatred. Why did they even have this toaster? He could build a much better one that didn't burn his son's breakfast to ashes. He hit the side of it trying to entice the remaining remnants of little Pete's toast to pop up out of the slot. 

"Goddamn it!"

"Language."

Tony rolled his eyes as his husband came strolling in after his five a.m. run. The man wasn't even sweaty. So unfair. 

Tony turned and glared at him. "The stupid toaster isn't working. It's burning Peter's toast. He's going to have ashes for breakfast, how nice."

Steve laughed at him and wondered over to the toaster. "Hmm.." he unplugged it and then replugged it back in. The toast came popping out. Tony made a face. Well of course the toaster would work for him. 

Steve chuckled at his expression and pulled him into a kiss. "Good morning, darling." 

"Hi, handsome. Finish your morning marathon?"

Steve's chest rumbled. "Yes, and guess what?" He whispered, smiling down at Tony, "I have a surprise for you."

Tony brightened. He loves surprises! He jumped up at down. "What? What? Tell me, I'm ready!"

Steve chuckled again, drawing Tony in for another kiss.

"We're going to dinner. You. Me. Tonight. 7 o'clock. Be ready."

Tony was ecstatic. It had been so long since they've gone out for something other than work or official Avengers business. "Okay! I'll have Peter ready by 5, so then-

"No," Steve stopped him, grabbing his hands and holding them his chest, leaning down to press their foreheads together, "Pete won't be coming tonight. It's just us."

Tony frowned, "But-"

"We need some alone time, you know, date night."

"But then who's going to look after him? Natasha's off on a mission, Pepper's got some late meetings, Rhodey has to stay on base-

"Clint and Bucky will take care of him."

Tony gave him an incredulous look "Really? The two of them?" He deadpanned, "You're kidding."

"Nope. They'll be fine. Peter loves them and we need date night." He gazed at Tony softly, "Come on, sweetheart, everything will be fine."

"I-I don't know..."

"Come on, Tones. Please, for me?" Steve said grinning widely. Tony sighed. He wasn't going to win this one.

"Okay," The genius smiled hesitantly, "we'll go. But we have to call every once in a while to check on them. No exceptions." He warned, pointing a finger at the blonde.

"Yes!" The soldier cried happily, picking Tony up and spinning him around, "We can call as many times as you like." He set Tony back on his feet and kissed him soundly, before hugging him tightly. "I'm so excited! We haven't had a night to ourselves in ages."

"I can't believe this," Tony mumbled into his husband's chest, "I'm going to allow those two hooligans to take care of our child."

Steve laughed at him and stole another kiss, "Speaking of our child, he needs to be getting up now."

"Yes, let's get him up so he can eat his ashes."

They joined laughter filled the kitchen.

**

Tony fixed his hair nervously. He was almost ready for their date, dressed in a wine red silk dress shirt, sleek black trousers, and shiny black dress shoes. He stared at himself in the mirror. He looked hot. 

"Bababa. Pfft!"

The genius laughed at his son who had drool leaking down his face as he gave him a gummy smile from where he was seated on the dresser watching Tony. He scooped Peter up and blew raspberries on his chubby cheek, glowing at the squealing laughter his baby let out. Tony frowned slightly, holding his son closer, almost clutching him to his chest.

His sweet, adorable, innocent, little son who was going to be left with two of the biggest idiots on the planet. He couldn't believe he let Steve talk him into this.

Speaking of Steve...

"Papa!" Peter crooned happily, squirming in Tony's arms as Steve walked through the door. 

"Hi, baby." His blonde husband kissed the toddler on the head before grasping the little boy under the arms and swinging him around like and airplane. Tony smiled, marveling at Peter's giggles and how happy his son was. His smile fell. His son better be happy when they get home tonight or dumb and dumber are seriously going to regret ever being born. 

He was pulled from his thoughts as a muscular arm wrapped around his waist and Steve kissed him softly. When they pulled back, the big man smiled down at Tony, "You look great."

Tony preened, "Thank you, you don't look to bad yourself."

And he didn't. Steve had on dark, navy blue trousers, a light blue button down top that matched his eyes and sleek brown dress shoes. 

"What are you frowning for?"

Tony gave him a dumbfounded look, "You know exactly why I'm frowning."

Steve smiled gently at him, "Everything is going to be just fine." He gave the child his in arms a little jiggle, "Isn't it, Pete?"

"Yes!"

Tony sighed as Steve flipped Peter upside down and carried him out the door. "Come on, sweetheart," he called over his shoulder, "the guys are here and we don't want to be late!"

Tony raised his gaze to the ceiling and brought his hands together like he was praying and shook them at the ceiling, "Please, God, please let everything be okay. Please don't let those nitwits corrupt my child."

"Tony!"

"Coming!" He breathed in another deep sigh before heading out to the living room where Thing 1 and Thing 2 were waiting. 

Steve had already placed Peter in Bucky's arms and was kissing him goodbye. He grinned brightly when he saw Tony emerge from the bedroom and pulled him over to join them. 

Tony nodded once at Bucky who just gave him a charming smile that made all the girls swoon. That smile didn't work on Tony. "Barnes."

"Hiya, Tony, how ya doin' this fine evening?"

"Don't drop my son, Barnes."

Bucky laughed at him, and dipped Peter backwards in his arms making the toddler squeal in delight. Tony scowled at him when he straightened back up, drawing another laugh out of the long haired brunet. "Nothin's gonna happen, genius, we're gonna take great care of him."

Tony grunted unhappily at him before turning to say goodby to Peter.

He smiled sweetly at his little boy and gave him a big kiss, "Daddy loves you, Petey Pie, you be a good boy, okay?"

Peter giggled and bounced in Bucky's arms, "Yes, Daddy!"

Tony beamed at him before darkening his expression into something sinister as he turned to Clint, "I swear to God, Barton, if anything happens you and Barnes are dead."

Clint just smiled gaily at him, " Well, hello to you too." He laughed at his own joke as Tony's expression turned murderous, "Relax, Tones, we're going to have a great time. Aren't we, Pete?" They turned to look at Peter who was now dangling from Bucky's metal arm. Tony's eyes widened and opened his mouth as he was about to tell Steve they we're going when his husband quickly swooped in and returned Peter to a much safer position in Bucky's arms.

The blonde smiled dazzlingly at Tony as he put a hand on his back and led the sputtering genius out the front door before their plans could be canceled, and called back to the others, "Okay, you guys, have fun! Bye, Peter, we love you!"

He closed the door behind them.

Tony stopped in his tracks and stared his husband who looked back innocently, "If anything happens, it's your fault."

Steve chuckled and grabbed his hand leading him to the car where Happy was waiting for them. "Of course, darling. What ever you say. Now, let's go enjoy our date."

**

Tony fidget restlessly at their table. He felt bad because Steve had brought him to his favorite Italian restaurant to have a romantic evening with his husband and all Tony could think about was Peter. But they had finished their dinner for the most part and it wasn't like they weren't actually having a good time, because they were. They had laughed and gazed into each others eyes lovingly, so it was going great. Tony was just a little distracted. 

Steve must have noticed because he reached over the table and grasped one of Tony's hands on his own. He rubbed his thumb over Tony's knuckle and smiled at him knowingly, "Hey, you think it's about time we check in?"

"Yes!" 

Tony looked down and smiled sheepishly at his outburst, but he could have cried for joy. He nodded hurriedly at Steve who motioned him off with a grin.

"Go ahead. I'll pay and meet you outside. Then we can take a stroll in the park."

"A stroll in the park. How 1940's of you."

That drew a laugh out of the blonde. "Go check on our child, you menace."

Tony smirked as he excused himself from the table and fished out his phone on the way outside. He had put Barnes on speed dial just for this special occasion, so metal man better pick up quick. 

He hit Barnes' contact.

It rang.

And rang.

And rang.

And rang and rang and rang.

Tony was about to have a heart attack when the call was finally answered.

"Helloooo?"

"Barnes. Why did it take you so long to answer the phone?"

"Huh? I don't know what you mean, smarty, I answered as soon as my phone rang."

Tony was unimpressed. "Ah-huh. How are things-"

He was cut off as heard a loud crash in the background and Barnes said, "Oh shit!"

"What was that?"

"What?" Bucky asked hurriedly, "Oh nothing! Nothing. Just a movie we have on in the background."

Tony pursed his lips, "And what movie would that be?"

"Uh-_Frozen_?"

"_Frozen_? Really?"

"Yep-uh-actully, Tony, got to go! See you when you get home."

"Wait-"

Tony glared down at his phone. That bastard actually hung up on him. He spun around wildly when he heard the door to the restaurant open and Steve walked out. Tony stalked up to him and shoved his phone in his husband's face.

"We're going home!"

"What? Why?"

"They're watching _Frozen!_"

Steve laughed, and tugged him into a hug, "Honey, Pete loves _Frozen_."

"Yes, but they're not watching _Frozen_! They're watching something else, or maybe," he abruptly pulled away from the hug, "they're not watching anything at all and that crashing sound I heard was glass breaking into a million little pieces all over the floor that Peter could cut his feet on!" 

Steve's chest rumbled in laughter as he hugged Tony close again. "Nothing like that has happened, darling."

"How do you know!?"

"Because if it had, they would have called."

"Well I was just on the phone with Barnes and-"

"See? He would have said something then."

"I heard a crashing noise and then he hung up on me."

Steve kissed his head as he pulled back and looked at Tony. "Everything is fine, my love, I promise. You're just a little paranoid since we don't have Peter with us, but, baby, you have nothing to worry about." He cocked his head and smiled goofily at Tony, "Now how about that 1940's walk in the park?"

Tony sighed. He was worried about Peter, but Steve was right and he didn't want to ruin this rare date night with his husband. He leaned up on his tippy toes and kissed Steve throughly before taking his hand and dragging him towards Central Park.

"Come on, soldier, show me how they did this in the olden days."

**

Tony glanced around at the trees as he and Steve strolled hand-in-hand down the path running through the park. It was getting late and was already dark when they left for dinner, so not many people were in there and the couple was able to enjoy themselves in peace.

Tony laughed as Steve swung their joined hands and twirled around catching Tony in a hug. It had been a wonderful evening. Wonderful other than the growing pit of dread at the bottom of Tony's stomach that his child was endanger as we speak, but nonetheless he was still enjoying his stroll out with Steve.

They stopped to watch as a mother duck led her ducklings to a warm nest of twigs and leaves to rest for the night. 

Tony smiled wistfully, "Peter loves the ducks."

Steve hugged him from behind and rested his blonde head on top of Tony's, swaying them slightly, "Think it's time to call and check in again?"

And god did Tony love this man.

He turned and smiled sheepishly at his husband, "I'm sorry, love, I don't mean to ruin our night. I know you planned it, but it's just that I worry and-"

Steve cut him off with a sweet kiss and smiled at him gently, "I know, sweetheart, I worry too. And you haven't ruined our night, I've had a wonderful time." He kissed Tony's nose chuckling as the dark haired man scrunched up his face. "I just wanted a night out to spend with you." He leaned in closer to whisper, breathing tickling Tony's ear, "And once we get back and put Peter to bed and he's asleep we can spend a little more time together in our bed." He blew in Tony's ear making the genius shiver.

Tony smirked up at him. "Anyone who thinks you're a Boy Scout is wrong. You're a dirty old man, Rogers."

Steve puffed out a laugh and kissed his head, "Only for you. Go ahead and call, babe, and let them know we'll be home soon. We'll finish our walk and then start back."

"Okay!" Tony dug around in his pocket and tugged out his phone, dialing Barnes' number in record speed. 

It rang.

And rang.

And rang and rang-

"Yello."

Tony narrowed his eyes and said dully, "Barton. Did you really just answer the phone saying 'yello'?"

"Yeah, that's what all the hip kids say. What's up, Tony?"

"You are not hip. Why are you answering Barnes' phone?"

"Buck's helping Pete brush his teeth."

"Hmm." Tony considered this, and it seemed like a reasonable enough answer for him not to panic. "How's it going over there?"

"Oh fine, just fine."

"You guys do anything fun?'

"Oh yeah, we were watching _Moana_ and-"

"_Frozen_!" Tony heard Bucky yell in the background, "I told him we were watching _Frozen_!"

"I mean _Frozen_ and-"

Tony cut him off, the pit of dread in his stomach rising, "So were you watching _Moana_ or were you watching _Frozen_?"

"We were watching _Moana_\- no I mean _Frozen_!" 

There was a thud in the distance.

Tony pursed his lips and turned to Steve who had his eyebrows raised, listening to Tony's conversation. "What the hell is going on, Barton?"

"Nothing, nothing! Everything is hunky dory, Tones. Don't you and Cap worry about a thing."

Tony huffed, "We're just finishing up our walk and then we'll be on our way home, so we'll be there within the hour." He lowered his voice menacingly, "Make sure Peter is ready for bed when we get there, and I expect everything to be exactly the same as we left it."

"Yeah, yeah, sure, Tony," Clint sounded distracted, "we've got it all under control."

"Sure you do. Well-"

A loud bang cut him off and then he heard, "Oh shit! Peter!"

Tony instantly filled with alarm, "What!? Peter what? What happened?"

"No, no, nothing! Everything's fine," Clint laughed nervously, "don't worry, Tones, we've got this, but I've got to go now so we'll see you soon. Bye!"

"Barton, I swear to high hell-"

Dial-tone.

Tony's eyes burned into his phone. He turned sharply to Steve who looked just as confused as he did. 

"We're going home." Tony said drily.

"Yep."

Steve grabbed his hand and they sped walked out of the park.

**

The were able to get out of the park and back home in twenty minutes flat. Tony glared at the door as Steve inserted his key, willing there to be something wrong on the other side just so he could ring someone's neck. Steve pushed opened the door and together they peered in. 

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

The penthouse was clean and silent.

Tony flung the door open fully and stomped in. Where was-

"Hey!" Bucky and Clint came out from Peter's bedroom with Peter nestled safety in Clint's arms with his favorite stuffed spider, big smiles on their faces. "How was your date, guys?"

"Daddy! Papa!" Peter shouted gleefully as soon as he saw his parents.

Steve chuckled from the door way as Tony flung himself towards Peter making grabby hands at their son, "It was great. Thank you guys for doing this."

"Sure, no problem. Would be happy to do it again."

"Nope." Tony interjected, swinging Peter around and kissing his cheeks, making the toddler giggle wildly. "That won't be necessary. We'll make sure other arrangements have been made."

Bucky snorted, "What, you don't trust us?"

Tony stopped spinning, clutched Peter close to his chest and narrowed his eyes at the two idiots standing before him. "No."

"Aw, Tony," Clint said taking a step closer to muss Peter's hair, "we had everything under control. Look," He gestured around, smiling suspiciously, "everything is clean, nothing is out of place, Peter's already ready for bed."

Tony pursed his lips, taking all of this in. Alright, so everything did look fine and Pete was in his pajamas and ready for bed, but Tony couldn't shake the feeling that something was off and the two men weren't telling them something.

He "Hmmfed" at Clint and turned to Steve who had ambled over to say hello to Peter. The blonde smiled, taking their son in his arms and hugging him close as Tony grinned at the exchange between Papa and son. When they parted, Steve kept a hold of Peter and bounced him, "Were you a good boy, baby? Did you have lots of fun?"

"Yes!"

Tony chuckled, "Yeah, can you tell Daddy what you did?"

"Yes! Look!"

His smile faded into a frown.

"Clint," Tony said blandly while staring at Peter, "why is my two-year old giving me the finger?"

Clint stared at Bucky in horror.

"Shit."

"Shit!" Peter yelled happily.

Steve and Tony both gasped and spun to glare at the two men who had been left with their son.

"No, Peter," Bucky uttered hastily, rushing forward, "We don't say that, remember?"

"Remember?" Steve questioned, handing Peter to Tony so he could stalked up to his best friend to tower over him, looking down at him, eyes ablaze. "He said it before?"

"Uh-"

"No," Clint said quickly, eyes wide, "I mean-uh... I don't know where he heard that."

Tony grasped Peter close and stared daggers at the numskulls in front of him, "I heard you both say it over the phone. He heard it from the two of you." He looked at Steve, "I knew there was something going on that they weren't telling us."

Steve crossed his arms, Captain America face of disappointment falling into place. "How exactly did he learn that word?"

"And how did he learn the finger!?" Tony added.

"W-well, you see," Bucky laughed nervously, sliding a hand through his long hair, refusing to make eye contact, "Clint and I were going to play poker while Peter watched a movie, but then," he motioned to Clint, "Birdbrain here knocked over the poker set and stuff went flying everywhere and I accidentally said she-i-t and Pete was standing right next to me." He grinned sheepishly, "Sorry."

The two parents looked at them unimpressed. Steve narrowed his eyes, "So when exactly did he first say it?"

Clint winced, "Oh, well, that was when Bucky was helping Pete brush his teeth and Pete almost fell off of his stool."

Tony's eyebrows raised to his hairline, "He fell!?" The genius quickly checked his baby for injuries and Peter giggled at him while playing with his father's goatee and stuffing one of his spider's legs in his mouth. 

"No, no!" Bucky shook his head, "I caught him, but then I fell-but he landed on me!" He hurried out as Tony opened his mouth to ream him. The Winter Soldier smiled timidly, "Peter thought it was funny."

Clint nodded, "It was funny. But then Pete said it. She-i-t. It was cute in his little baby voice."

Tony shot the archer a death glare.

Steve sighed deeply, gaze flicking between the two men, "That doesn't explain the middle finger."

"Oh. Right." Bucky scratched his head, "That's my fault. When Clint and I were playing poker, he was playing dirty and laughed at me when I lost so I gave him the finger. I was laughing because I told him 'I'm giving the bird, the bird'." The metal armed man looked everywhere but the angry fathers. "Peter was watching and copied me, but I swear we tried to convince him not to do it again or say the bad words!"

Tony cocked his head at him, "Are you trying to make our child look like the bad guy?'

"No-"

"Then stop talking."

The engineer set Peter down on the back of the couch as another question occurred to him. "So did he ever even watch a movie?"

Bucky sucked in his lips, "Uh-no. We were watching MMA fighting."

Steve gaped at his friend in disbelief, "We don't allow him to watch MMA fighting. He's two."

"That's why I told you guys we were watching _Frozen_. Hey, for what it's worth, Peter seemed pretty into the fighting."

He snapped his mouth shut at the glowers he received. 

Steve sighed again and waved the men off. "You guys can go, we'll handle this."

"We're really sorry, Cap."

"Yeah, really sorry, Stevie."

The super soldier shot them a look. "Ah-huh."

Tony smiled down at Peter and rubbed his back, " Hey, Petey? We don't say those words, baby, those are bad words, so don't say them again, okay, honey?"

Peter nodded wide-eyed and innocently at him, "Yes, Daddy."

"And don't do that thing with your fingers again, okay, sweetheart, for Daddy and Papa?"

"Yes, Daddy!"

Tony smiled and hugged his son close, "That's a good boy." His lips quirked upwards as the little boy let out a big yawn. He scooped Peter up and headed towards his room, "I think it's time for little spiders to go to sleep."

Peter rubbed his eyes sleepily and leaned into his father's chest.

Then he dropped his stuffed spider.

"Dammit."

Tony and Steve stopped dead in their tracks, bodies rigid, faces red.

Both Clint and Bucky froze, backs turned to the couple as they scrambled to get out the door.

"Clint!"

"Buck!"

Clint screeched. "Run for your life!"

Peter just shoved his fingers in his mouth, giggling happily.

Was it something he said?


End file.
